5 Famous Archers… Mythological – They’re Fake But Cool


Famouse Archers - ArjunaMyths: A fantastical story where the star of the show is, for some wild reason, blessed with abnormal powers that’d make Superman piss in his bright red underwear. The stories are always similar. A long, draggy start that’d put you to sleep; a sudden change in fortunes for the good guys; sporadic deaths of the most insignificant characters around. And to cap it all off, a heavy hitting fight till death… Though the good hardly die. Still, they do make for a good read.

But in all seriousness, myths have had their uses. Think about it. They’ve glorified archers and made them figures of envy. Who the hell needs a gun? In a lot of Asian myths, archers actually made AK47s look like a wusses’ weapon. An arrow could actually be invoked and shot as a fiery missile. Now if the US had access to these, what’s the bet that they’d have taken care of those ruddy terrorists without breaking sweat? Hell, I bet my house (and yours) that if they had these 5 famous mythological archers in their ranks, they’d conquer the world 10 times over.

Let’s take it from the top.

 

“And I rob from the rich and give to the poor…”

No prizes for guessing who that’s a reference to. The poor man’s hero. The underdog. A more badass title would be ‘The Outlaw’. Robin Hood fits them all. Much like how the American people lost their homes to the banks, Robin Hood’s lands was seized ruthlessly before being exiled. But instead of whining like a 3 year old, he packed his bags and moved to Sherwood Forest. But no, he didn’t do a Tarzan. That would have bored his socks off. Instead, he decided to take a shot at the Nottingham’s then resident big shot.

So he practiced like there was no tomorrow and bam, he’s managed to make today’s snipers look like they can barely shoot straight.

Old Robin Hood had a few friends who helped him wreak havoc, steal from aristocrats, and run his makeshift charity (which had no auditing by the way). Not so Little John, fat Friar Tuck, Maid Marion and Alan Adale. Curious isn’t it, that all their names have such a nice ring to it.

“The greatest warrior on Earth”

So who’s this man? According to Indian mythology, Arjuna was the one man you’d have to be crazy to anger. In 1 swift movement, he’d have grabbed his bow, released the arrow and decapitated you before you can say Obama.

His many feats are

1) Slaying a hundred thousand soldiers just to get to the man who killed his son
2) Cross-dressing while he was exiled (along with his brothers), and single-handedly destroying the oncoming enemy
3) Killing his half-brother because… well he hated the guy
4) Killing a bunch of other prominent figures in that period with his precision guided missiles, I mean arrows
5) He was ambidextrous
6) Marrying 4 hot chicks

But in all seriousness, when armed with his bow, Arjuna was said to strike fear in the hearts of every single man in opposition. Not bad, huh?

“When I was 16, I fought my first (and last) war”

Abhimanyu, the son of Arjuna, was just 16 when he was thrown onto the battlefield. You were in the classroom fooling around with algebra. Weirdly, he was also a reincarnation of the Moon’s son. That is, according to Indian mythology. As for how the Moon had a son… hmmm.

So yes, he was just a 16 year old lad who was blessed with the warring abilities of his old man. He took on his enemies’ singlehandedly at one instance and raised hell by injuring a bunch of veterans. He then went on to die though, after a few of the scheming evil-doers snapped his bow, killed his horses and destroyed his chariot.

Needless to say, Arjuna was devastated. So in his eyes, the hundred thousand-slaughter was pretty much justified.

“Man on the moon?”

I’ll never understand why NASA named so many space missions after this famous mythological archer. It’s like they chose a fancy name for kicks. Apollo, son of the playboy Zeus, was given the title as the God of Archery. Yes, the Greeks had Gods for everything.

Though, it should be noted that while he had a horrible temper, it is said that he never used his bow to either hunt or fight. Instead, he merely taught the mortals the art of hunting. How does one teach, without giving a live demonstration though?

“The lovely twin”

Artemis was the twin sister of Apollo. And while Apollo is merely a brand of chocolates, Artemis actually had a book written after her.

If feminism was a religion, Artemis would have been the pope. She was a fervent, pro-women’s rights kind of Goddess who would kill anyone who so much as thought about male chauvinism.

Unlike her beloved brother, she was an avid huntress. In fact, she’s said to be the Goddess of Hunt. Told you they have someone for every position.

Well, here you go then. These are 5 famous mythological archers who’ve helped bring archery into pop culture in their various countries of origin.

Check out some other famous archers

  1. 5 Famous Archer – Real
  2. 5 Famous Archers – Historical